Week 7: Describe a moment when you realized you were in love.
This is going to be mushy. Fair warning.
I knew I was in love with Nathan after we had been dating for about four months. Three years later, he proposed, and a year after that, we were married. So, I had plenty of time to be certain that he was who I wanted to partner with for the rest of my life. As “in love” as I felt before we got married, this love has grown deeper and richer since our wedding day.
I share this because I want to talk about a recent moment when I realized I was in love. This wasn’t the result of romantic plans or gestures. Not because of flowers or gifts were sent out of the blue. Instead, I was simply trying to fall asleep, and a rush of clarity and joy took hold of me and my heart grew heavy with gratitude. How did I get so lucky?
I think we, as a whole, have a bad habit of romanticizing love to extremes. For a long time, I had this expectation that my future spouse would go to great lengths to prove his love for me. When I was in college, I read Captivating by John Eldredge and Stasi Eldredge and took every single word to heart. It had me believe that if a man wasn’t pursuing me, he wasn’t “the one.” This book played into the allure of the brave knight saving the damsel in distress, and told me that, as a Christian woman, this is what I should want. Interesting how an “intimate look at a woman’s soul” was co-written by a man, the co-writer’s husband, no less. *Insert gigantic eye roll*
In hindsight, this book inflated my expectations and deflated my self-esteem. It took our individual lived experiences out of the equation, and replaced them with fiction from our childhoods. I convinced myself I was in love with people who never took the opportunity to get to know me. Instead, I carefully crafted my words and actions so that I wouldn’t scare them away or intimidate them. As a result, I constantly sold myself short and expected even less in return.
It wasn’t until I met my husband that I let go of those “requirements.” I walked into our first date with an honest and open outlook, and it all made sense from there.
There are so many moments of feeling “in love” that I’ve experienced between when we first met and today. But something about how I felt a few nights ago really resonated with me. I was laying there, my mind racing as it usually does around 11pm, and out of nowhere, I was overwhelmed by how in love I was.
When selecting scripture for our wedding, I wanted to do something unique. I poured over texts and tried to picture “us” in the verses. Of course, I selected the ubiquitous, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, “Love is patient. Love is kind…” But I did this very intentionally. Right now, I can’t get “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” out of my head, but at that time, it was 1 Corinthians. It’s a total earworm.
I would think, “Is our love for one another patient? Yes. Is our love kind? Yes. Does it envy, does it boast, is it proud? No.”
(To skip ahead) “Love always trusts, hopes, and perseveres.” These words pulsed with honesty, and I knew I wanted to hear them said aloud at as began our life together. They told our story. These are the words that captivated me. This is the love I wanted to find.
[Note: I have felt love in other relationships that are also reflected in these words. As a daughter, sister, and friend, this kind of love comes easily, and I cherish those relationships.]
As I finally felt myself drifting to sleep that night, I thanked God profusely, and as I did, my heart swelled even more. What did I do to deserve this? I wish I could gift wrap this feeling and send it to me in my 20s with the message, “This is what you’re looking for. It’s worth the wait.”
