Week 14: Write about a time you felt excluded

Have you ever had a decision made for you on your behalf without consultation? Was it a decision made by a higher power that would “cut costs” for them, while significantly impacting your day-to-day, driving you to burnout beyond your imagination? Yeah, me either.

Well, except for this one time when the nature of my job was reconfigured and my reporting structure was redefined without even one conversation with me despite four years of hard work and dedication on my end. No promotion or salary bump was even on the table, however, there was more work and more responsibility. While these changes were enough to aggravate me, the thing that pushed me over the edge was that I was excluded from every aspect of this decision.

While I won’t go into details about the changes, this happened about a year ago, and I still get riled up thinking about it. I likely wouldn’t have been able to change any minds had I been consulted prior to the decision, but I would have at least felt “heard.” Instead, I (and a couple others) received a memo about this abrupt change two days before Thanksgiving. I was at home with my family laughing over something undoubtably stupid when I got a text to check my email. And there it was—an order that I was going to have a different boss and even more work to oversee.

I’m actually good with change and can be very flexible. But this pushed me beyond my limits.

Here's the thing. I loved that job. I LOVED working with my team, getting to know our students, being immersed in their work, and seeing their success. I felt at home. I felt ownership of my role and would have been content to continue to grow right in that space. That said, I also know my worth. Just when I felt myself starting to bloom, someone stepped on me. That sense of ownership was stolen from me in that one memo. I should note that this was not a decision from my team/my office. This came from above our small organization.

To be a bit dramatic, fire fosters new growth. While outside circumstances ultimately lead me to step away from this job that I loved, my heart was also preparing to make a change. I look back on that year and see a person in transformation, desiring to reconnect with her dreams, and even more, recognizing that nothing is permanent.  

A lot has changed for me since last May. We moved across country, I dabbled in corporate work, and now I’m here, back in a similar role to what I had before—this time with better pay and a much better title.

I don’t have any words of wisdom for avoiding feeling excluded or being excluded. Sometimes things are happening behind your back, and you have no way of knowing. However, I will say that when you receive that surprise memo or when the truth is revealed, know your worth. It sucks to be excluded from decisions that impact your life. But it is, after all, your life. Before you get mad, take a step back and realize that you can make a choice for yourself. You can stay, you can go, you can adapt, you can make demands; you can do whatever is best for you. Don’t lead with anger, lead with resolution.