Week 18: How do you go about asking for help?

I specifically remember adding this item to my list of prompts. Why? Because I gave it a passionate and proper eye roll. Not because I don't think people should ask for help when they need it, but because I'm the absolute worst at asking for help. I will have this great idea, let's say to plant roses, and while I'm digging a hole in the ground, I realize I've dug a grave. Instead of looking up how to fix it or calling someone who knows what they're doing, I just keep going, maybe climb on in, and pour the dirt directly onto myself. 

In my last post, I wrote about my favorite quality about myself. Here, this is my worst quality--denying help until times are desperate.

I'm not sure if it's because I'm a pathological apologizer, who would rather own up to being wrong immediately than continue a conversation that will eventually prove me incorrect. But just because I'm okay being "wrong" (in some cases, not wrong, but exhausted by people who need to be "right") doesn't mean I want your help. 

Before I go any further, I have been to therapy a few times in my life. This isn't about therapy or mental health. I'm talking more along the lines of even so much as calling my mom when I can't figure something out. 

Even as a teenager, when I was looking for something in the house, I remember my mom would always say, "Whatcha need?" and I would say, "Nothing." And just continue along like I wasn't desperate to find something I needed for class the next day. 

So how do I go about asking for help? I wait until I'm on the verge of tears and then I begrudgingly seek out assistance. 

I do have exceptions to this rule, however. That main exception is when I need help that I do not have the skillset to even attempt on my own. Say I had a water heater and it broke. I would wait until the last possible second, pace a bit, stare at the water heater hoping the answer comes to me, and then give an expert a call. 

I rarely want help. But when I am asking for it, please know that it means I trust and respect you. 

I'm an enneagram six, and I feel like this complex I have is reflective of that. I need the security of knowing that I have help available in all areas of my life. But I don't want to take advantage of that help until I have no other choice.